No parrot joke
A Pennsylvania woman is suing Bank of America after a contractor mistakenly confiscated her beloved pet parrot. Luke, a blue macaw, was separated from his owner, Angela Iannelli, for over a week after debt collectors wrongly repossessed her home. Mrs Iannelli suffered such ?emotional distress? at her separation from Luke that she was forced to take prescription medication for anxiety.
After the beep…
Government employees still working despite Monday’s strike were told to ‘imitate answer machines’ to cope with calls from the public. Staff at the Department for Work and Pensions in Carlisle said they were given a brief script to read out, in the style of a telephone answering machine, before hanging up. The instruction by managers was leaked on Facebook after chit-chat between strikers from the Public and Commercial Services Union and their colleagues who had stayed at work
Cold bidding war
A nuclear bunker was sold on eBay for over £20,000 on Monday. Located in Derbyshire’s Peak District, the underground bunker was built at the height of the Cold War in 1959. The seller said the bunker was ‘set in a stunning location with glorious views’ and the auction attracted more than 40 bids, pushing the starting price of £500 sky-rocketing to £20,600.
Lazy lurcher
A dog owner too lazy to take his pet pooch for walkies has lost his driving licence after being caught driving his car at 5mph along a country lane in County Durham, while the poor creature trotted alongside. Paul Railton, 23, had wound down the window of his Nissan Navara to exercise his lurcher, but was found out after an alarmed cyclist alerted police that a dog was being dragged along from a car.
Pipe dreams
A man was rushed to casualty this week after his penis became lodged in a steel pipe and had to be cut free by fire fighters. The unnamed man’s penis could not be extracted from the stainless steel pipe by staff at Southampton General Hospital because the restricted blood flow had caused him to become aroused. The Hampshire Fire and Rescue service was called and firemen cut him free using a metal grinder.
Brain piercing
A baby is recovering in China after accidentally poking a chopstick up his nose and piercing his brain. Fourteen-month-old Li Jingchao was playing with the chopstick when he fell and became impaled on it. Surgeons successfully removed the item from Li’s nose at Bo Ai Hospital in Beijing after his parents travelled for 10 hours in the car seeking treatment. He is expected to be released from hospital next week.
Let’s faucet
A man who slipped and fell in the bathroom managed to lodge a tap and 16 inches of pipe in his face. After waiting for surgery for more than three hours the man reportedly tried to pull the tap out of his face but could not handle the pain and had to continue waiting. A CT scan showed bad fractures to the man’s nose and cheek bones but miraculously his brain and sight were undamaged by his injuries.
Something in my eye…
A man was admitted to St James’ University Hospital in Leeds last February with an eye complaint and found to have several tarantula hairs lodged in the cornea of his right eye. Tarantulas can shoot their spiky fur at predators when threatened and it is believed the man’s pet tarantula flicked him while he was cleaning out its tank. The hairs are so small doctors were unable to remove them.
Spinning out
A motor racing driver on track to win a race spun out of control and swerved unexpectedly into the middle of the track, losing his cool as well as his winning position. The reason? A female spectator had bared her breasts at him and the driver was thrown off his stride.Watch the clip above.
Drunken ‘ninja’
A Seattle-based man impaled himself on 5 foot fence post. The man, who claimed to be a ‘ninja’, had attempted to use martial arts skills to successfully leap over the fence. Police said he’d ‘overestimated his skills as a ninja’ while ‘bolstered by alcohol’.
Mistaken identity
A Florida fisherman got very excited when he saw fins bobbing in the water. Thinking they were dolphins he jumped into the sea to swim with them but was sent into a panic when he realised the smiling dolphins he’d pictured were actually sharp-toothed great white sharks. He was rescued by friends having sustained shark bites, but lived to tell the tale.
Hoover this
Daniel Blackner, aka Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf, got himself into a sticky situation during the Edinburgh Fringe in 2007. His performance in the Circus of Horrors involved appearing on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his member. After using super glue to repair the vacuum he didn’t leave the glue to dry for long enough and got himself stuck on stage. The ensuing publicity was great for the show, but left Blackner red faced.
Getting carried away
Two children aged 5 and 22 months were imperilled when the bouncy castle they were playing on was blown up into the air by a strong gust of wind. The girls’ parents ran after the castle and managed to get it down with the girls suffering fright but only minor injuries.
Mohammed Abbasi 