If politics is show business for ugly people, then this election is shaping up as the fight to be the chief Sugar Plum Fairy. Now that fire and brimstone are out and endless talking about feelings and families is in, a new approach is needed for men to successfully wield power in an increasingly emotional world. Enter the straight queen (SQ). He’s hetero, but hissy too. If metrosexuality was about straight men tapping into the good things about gayness, such as hygiene and beauty products, then the SQ is a natural progression, since it draws on the exasperating (and equally useful) characteristics of gay men — bitchiness, prissiness, campness, being overdramatic — as a way of getting on in the world.

Tony Blair was the consummate SQ (he spoke with that dramatic Tennessee Williams pause: “She was… in some ways… the people’s princess…”). David Cameron seems to be trying to follow suit and triumph over Gordon Brown’s dour Gladstone image (Brown is more of a queen mother than a queen) by presenting himself as a born-again Benjamin “Dizzy” Disraeli.

Just as Dizzy is remembered for wearing his rings over his gloves, a lot of the voting public first heard of Cameron in relation to a brand of American basketball boots. The first time I met the shiny-faced one, he let out of the bag the fact that he didn’t need to shave every day, before suddenly becoming twitchy and making me promise that I wouldn’t write that down. Yet some things will out. The melodramatic Tory slogan “We can’t go on like this” is wonderfully reminiscent of a classic Judy Garland drag act.

Mark Simpson, the writer who first defined the concept of the metrosexual, believes one reason straight men are increasingly getting off on being queeny is that it can be powerful. “It confuses and disorientates. The male queen is exempt from the rules of usual masculine, or even feminine, behaviour.”

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He says that the main reason Simon Cowell has become one of the most powerful men in showbiz is because of “his bitchy, drag-queen-style put-downs on The X Factor and American Idol”. He adds: “I suspect they work a treat in business meetings too.”

SQs are on the rise for the simple reason that, in an increasingly “me, me, me” world, it is a brilliant way of drawing huge amounts of attention to yourself. Who cared about Christian Bale before his whopping hissy fit on the set of Terminator Salvation (“I want you off the f***ing set, you prick. No! Don’t just be sorry. Think for one f***ing second… What the f*** are you doing…” and so on). And when Vinnie Jones felt threatened by the cage fighter Alex Reid’s relaxed attitude to cross-dressing on this year’s Celebrity Big Brother, he turned into a gossiping bitch. But his biggest SQ moment came when he stormed into the diary room, complaining that his family had been insulted and how his lawyer was “gonna be in touch”. And all because of a little drunken badinage with Sisqo the night before.

Historians such as Simon Schama and Andrew Roberts are natural SQs, because historians function as eunuchs in the brothel. They love being connected to power without having to get their hands dirty, so waspish sniping from the sidelines comes naturally to them. They, along with swishy types such as AA Gill, David Walliams, Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen, Chris Eubank and Kanye West, might claim they are channelling the English archetype of the dandy. Yet, for anyone who wasn’t born in the 18th century, the petulant homo is probably a closer reference point than the rake.

Still, good straight queenery is not an easy act to get right. Cameron tends to fluster and whine a little too much. (Check out his flapping in the recent Gay Times interview on European gay rights: “Can we… can we stop for a second… I really want to answer these questions… I really… I’m finding… I’m…”) And he was only too delighted to be unexpectedly butched up by Labour recently when the party claimed he was a dead ringer for the thuggish cop Gene Hunt in Ashes to Ashes. Does this jubilant reaction suggest that, on the occasions when he does look in the mirror to shave, the person he really sees is more like Walter the Softy? Meow.

Outing the SQs

Simon Cowell Storming off, bitchy put-downs.

Drag-queen role model Maria Callas (“Don’t talk to me about rules, dear. Wherever I stay, I make the goddamn rules”).

Christian Bale On-set hissy fits.

Drag-queen role model Bette Davis (“Until you’re known in my profession as a monster, you’re not a star”).

Vinnie Jones Celebrity Big Brother bitching/gossiping.

Drag-queen role model Judy Garland towards the end (“If I am a legend, then why am I so lonely?”).

David Cameron Faffing around, obsessed with how he looks.

Drag-queen role model Tony Blair (“A young country that wants to be a strong country cannot be morally neutral about the family”).

Kanye West Diva overdrive. Known to run on stage at award ceremonies and announce that Beyoncé should have won.

Drag-queen role model Naomi Campbell (“I make a lot of money, and I’m worth every cent”).

Simon Schama The type to send the cutlery back in restaurants.

Drag-queen role model Marlene Dietrich (“Darling, the legs aren’t so beautiful, I just know what to do with them”).

Joker in the pack Russell Brand — has made a fortune from the SQ persona.